WTF: THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE DUMBEST DIET EVER…And It’s A REAL THING!
I’ve heard of some dumb diets in my life, but this one takes the cake.
The Candle Diet suggests that instead of eating something, you just smell a food-scented candle.
PS…Anybody who’s anybody knows you have to smell from the lid. Gotta get those top notes and bottom notes, ladies! Werk.
There are two big reasons why this is the worst diet ever.
1) Smelling candles provides no nutritional value. Obvi…
Candles are not a carb.
2) They don’t have enough delicious scents to satisfy all your cravings.
Sometimes you just wanna eat some Doritos but not necessarily smell them.
If you’re trying to drop some pounds, it’s not the worst idea in the world to skip that snack and instead light that wick.
Just remember that the act of smelling candles (even if they do smell like food) is not a substitute for a balanced diet and exercise.
Feel like baking?
Are you an avid baker but feeling like it’s time to lay down the whisk and hit the gym? Try “Brown Sugar & Spice.” It’ll make you feel like you’re baking with your grandma. Only your grandma is thousands of miles away and you’re sitting with a candle.
1 pound of brown sugar: 1,670 calories
Sugar candle: 0 calories
After dinner, dessert?
Not tonight! You’re on a fake diet! Light up “Caramel Pecan Pie” instead and pretend you’re sitting down with a slice of your own. It’s just like the real thing…only it’s absolutely not like the the real thing.
Actual slice of pecan pie: 503 calories
Candle pie: 0 calories
Really need to indulge?
Actual oatmeal cookie: 65 calories
Candle cookie: 0 calories
Couldn’t make it to Starbucks today?
Love Starbucks?! A Classic Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks could cost you 340 calories. UGH!
“Vanilla Chai”? 0 calories. Basic no more.
OR hop on the caramel bandwagon and light “Salted Caramel” up. This smells concerningly like you’ve just walked into a candy store on the beach. Only you’re not on vacation with your family. You’re in a dark room with a candle. If this doesn’t get your sweet tooth nothing will.
Actual salted caramel: 120 calories
Candle caramel: 0 calories
Want to remember warm nights and summer bonfires?
Whip out “Campfire Treat” and pretend like you’re getting your s’mores on, only with less friends and overall happiness. Perfectly sweet and sticky.
Actual s’more: 268 calories
Candle s’more: 0 caloriesperfect fall night with real food.
Actual level of intelligence if you use any of these as a diet aid: -1000.
Want a sandwich? Kewl, me too…